Love, Perception & Reality

For the first time I’ve spent my entire summer traveling.

I’ve visited four new cities on the east coast spanning Beacon, NY down to Philly. I’ve taken a trip back home to visit friends, and crammed in so much family time that my emotional battery pack will be fully charged for months. To top it all off, I had the opportunity to see two of my favorite people exchange vows last weekend. As photographers, the way we capture these moments can come off as exciting, picturesque and beautiful, but sometimes knowing the backstory gives a much better appreciation of our character and determination.

Jenna and Michael have been through hell over the last few months. Michael was in a bike accident that landed him in the emergency room leading to facial stitches and a neck brace. Jenna was t-boned in her car a week before the wedding, and they’ve had to reconfigure so many life plans due to being thrown into these situations. I’m so proud of the couple for holding it together and putting their story—pain, joy, struggle and all—out there for us to share. (Also can someone explain to me how Michael still looks so badass in a neck brace?!)

Photos by Emilie White

My plan this summer was to spend my time traveling, exploring the coast, taking photos, and hopefully doing so with a partner, all while dropping to my ideal weight, developing a ripped bod, and returning from my travels to my cat. I ended up having to give Sumi to my parents in Minnesota due to separation anxiety. I stressed myself out by cramming work and travel in together, gained the weight back that I’d lost, and started seeing a therapist because I’m just now learning boundaries and self-love. Hitting these roadblocks and being tested on a daily basis has taught me some important lessons.

“Our perceptions are constantly crafting who we are.”

People who get this don’t have it easier, they simply choose to be optimistic, kind, empathetic, and tenacious. Maintaining this energy manifests wonders. In my months of growth I’ve become a stronger, more independent person. I decided I was going to travel and it happened. I’ve climbed a mountain solo, reconnected with some of the most wonderful humans on the planet, and realized how lucky I am to have a support system that always has my back. I decided to come back to New York to find my dream job. I found two, within a week. I’ve also let go of people and negative habits that weren’t moving me forward. It’s all been a part of the process of learning and growing.

“If you scream your desires at the universe, expect to be smacked in the face with the answer.”

Like Jenna and Michael making the best of their situation and celebrating in the face of struggle, I’m learning to focus on the positive and embrace ambiguity. Times of doubt will always pop up, but making sure to celebrate moments of joy is what life is all about. This lesson has been coming to light in beautiful experiences, and for that I’m very grateful. 👘🌸

Reconnecting with Nature

Last weekend I visited Beacon and Breakneck Ridge in the Hudson River Valley.

An escape into the greenery was long overdue.

I’m natively from a small rural town near Iowa, and grew up in the woods, on farms—always surrounded by nature, animals, and tranquility. No matter what part of New York City you reside in, there is always noise… there’s a constant energy, and I love it. However, it does make you appreciate those moments when you’re literally miles away from any other living human… when you truly reconnect with yourself and listen to nothing other than your intuition and of course a rumbling stomach from time to time.

If you’ve been catching up with me over my Insta, you’ll know that the past few months have been a time of huge change and growth for me. I’ve reconnected with my passions, improved my skills with photography, met tons of inspiring artists, attended seminars, talks, and started traveling more than I ever have before. This is the first time that I’ve actually believed that I’m worthy of unconditional love, and that all started with mindfulness, meditation, and self-care.

Throughout the weekend, I hiked to the highest peak of Breakneck Ridge. I didn’t use a map, I just let my intuition guide me, and strangely enough I didn’t get lost once. I discovered some abandoned buildings, met a few hawks and ravens, and found areas with balancing rocks along the path. I also reconnected with nature in a deeper way—speaking my truths into the wind. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, this post explains all of that.

I finished up my hike by meditating at the riverfront. It was a surreal experience, and I highly recommend doing the same.

Living on the east coast in beautiful, unfamiliar environments has opened my eyes to the limitless possibilities that exist with travel, exploration, and filling my life with new experiences.

Though I’ve been faced with struggles since my move last year, I know that this path is leading me to something important. I have no idea what’s next, or how I’m going to get there, but at least lately, it involves taking a train to a plethora of adventures. Stay tuned for word on my trip to Philly this weekend.

Remembering My Passions

I keep forgetting about all the little things that make me whole.

Taking macros of flowers, drawing on a napkin when there’s no paper around, feeling mist on my face from crashing waves, crunching sticks as I explore in the woods, watching clouds drift across the sky and comparing notes on which animals we see, sipping kombucha on a rooftop with a good playlist going.

I’m remembering these brief moments that allow me to reconnect with myself.

I feel like as the trees are starting to bud and come alive, I’m letting my personality flourish in the same way. I had the fortune to meet up with Nick and do just that at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden last week. We discussed his podcast, Typed Out. which discusses LGBTQ issues among other things, inclusion, acceptance, and understanding one’s role in the universe. It was a very healing time, to be honest.

Sometimes as adults we forget what we love—we feel like the magic has died. It’s important to remind ourselves in these moments that we are in charge of our own realities, we can choose what to believe, and honestly project our thoughts into real situations, accomplishing anything we desire. Affirmations and positive self-talk can do wonders. If you need some insight into this world, please please please take a read of my favorite book. It might change your life. Don’t ever forget the power you hold in yourself. I’ll leave you on a quote by Jen Sincero that really resonates with me:

“Our thoughts become our words, our words become our beliefs, our beliefs become our actions, our actions become our habits, and our habits become our realities.”